I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
