she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
