My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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