I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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