im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
