Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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