I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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