i think my tv is drunk
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
