So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Text me some of your sweat
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
