i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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