he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
