You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
