One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
