is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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