I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We need to get me chipped asap
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
