Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
