Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
