i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
