Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
