after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think i got beer on your cat.
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