Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
