Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
