You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
