i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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