Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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