The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
