Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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