Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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