so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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