bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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