That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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