So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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