New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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