In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
