4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she was so not down for the gang bang
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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