But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
