I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
