coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
