apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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