Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
pray to the hookup gods
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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