It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
