This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
