just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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