im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
