hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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