My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I touched a dick in church today
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
