Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
