Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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