No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
