The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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