We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
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