We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
