i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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